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I will get depressed, as we all do, and I’m certainly very depressed right now, but I can sort of manage and see my way through. But because I was so hungry I was feeling increasingly bad, and I went home and thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, which for me never happens. The last few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life, and I think I’ve managed poorly but O.K. By that time, I didn’t want anything to eat, it was too late to go out for lunch. He came and he stayed until about three-thirty, four o’clock. Last Wednesday, I went to say Kaddish for Aaron and I got a call from a friend of mine who wanted to come see me, so I didn’t get lunch. I’LL TELL THE following story, which is perhaps the best way I can describe what may have happened. I told Alec that I thought he might try to kill himself. I TOLD ALEC that Aaron was a bit too calm before Christmas. I LOOKED BACK at my e-mails and I was almost always the one who didn’t continue the conversation. can alter liver functioning, which in turn can cause other medicine to cause impulsive behavior like suicide. My doctor relative told me that some of his ulcerative-colitis patients seemed to be doing much better until the moment when they suddenly committed suicide, and that there’s some speculation that U.C. However, he did commit suicide, which weighs pretty heavily on the other side of the scale. He wasn’t doing normal depressed-people things (like withdrawing from friends and family), let alone suicidal-people things (like giving away his stuff).

He definitely didn’t seem depressed right before his death, nor for a long time previously. I know during the scare in 2007 he had gotten very, very sick from his U.C. I’ve been thinking about it a lot for the last twelve hours.

Apparently co-morbidity with depression is common.

THERE IS SUICIDE as a philosophical question: does suicide make sense as an answer to suffering? No, he didn’t think it did.Ī DOCTOR RELATIVE last night told me that he’d had some very painful experiences with patients with ulcerative colitis committing suicide. Taren Stinebrickner-Kauffman, Aaron Swartz’s girlfriend

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